For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
