Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
