It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
