Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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