You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
