Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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