i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
