I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
