i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
