His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
