found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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