you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
