Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just threw up on my dentist
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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