Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need water and some morals
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
