Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she smelled like a LAN party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
