You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
