the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
