I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
