the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sobbing to NWA
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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