Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
