Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
