what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Actions speak louder than pants.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
