So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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