you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
