Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She bit a glass in half.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
