I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
