i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
