it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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