If i come over, it means nothing
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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