i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
