after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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