he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
