This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
