it was like his penis was on wheels.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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