we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
