There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He did a backflip because drugs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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