He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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