You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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