Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
