Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
