Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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