my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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