I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
