I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
