dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
