tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize