I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
