I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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