im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
