Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
