Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
