I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
