i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
