My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
