I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
