I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
