So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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