Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
