god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
