I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
