If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
