The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize